You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
