well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize