You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
