I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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