those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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