The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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