What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
