I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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