The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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