you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
