after a month anything with tits is on the radar
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
