Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
