So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How naked do you want me to be?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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