My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
