One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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