you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
