sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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