we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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