Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
