i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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