he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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