I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
