It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
