"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
