oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
