But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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