sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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