Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
