why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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