I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
