If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
