That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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