I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
