Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My balls are so social today.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
