Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
