dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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