sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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