Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
