I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
