The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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