I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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