They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
