Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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