Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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