I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
