I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
