Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
