Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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