i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
