Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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