how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
