Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
