when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude. I can hear the air.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
