bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
