I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
