it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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