i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
