it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
