I love black thongs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
