Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
