i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize