Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
