Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
