I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
