Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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