she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
