Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize